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New York Congressman Anthony Weiner says the now-infamous crotch photo he sent via Twitter was a joke. If so, count Hollywood resident Denise Richardson among those who aren’t laughing.
“It kind of struck home with me. … I thought jokes were meant to be funny,” said Richardson, who recalls her ex-husband using the same “only a joke” excuse for inappropriate conversations he had in online chat rooms. The couple ultimately divorced, with Richardson convinced her ex’s online chats in fact led to in-person affairs.
In Weiner’s case, she said, the online transgressions alone are enough to warrant the “cheating” label.
“It’s not only shady, but it demonstrates poor judgment,” Richardson said. “It’s cheating all the way around.”
Technology like Twitter is only a few years old, so there is scarce research on public attitudes toward X-rated tweets and whether they fit the traditional definition of cheating.
The widespread condemnation of Weiner suggests many believe his conduct does constitute infidelity. In a similar vein, a 2004 ABC News pollfound that 64 percent of adults felt that “if a person who’s married or in a committed relationship has sex talk in an Internet chat room,” it would amount to being unfaithful.
“For most people who are in a committed relationship, the partner does see it as cheating,” says Shelley Green, a Nova Southeastern University professor who teaches in the school’s family therapy program and treats couples in private practice.
But ultimately, the question of is-it-or-is-it-not can only be decided by couples themselves, Green adds. Each relationship has its own set of boundaries.
“There’s certainly partners who feel like Internet porn is absolutely unacceptable,” she says. At the same time, other couples “are watching porn together and having that enhance their sexuality.”
Across the country, the Weiner photo controversy has sparked conversations about what’s acceptable and what is not.
Amy Austin of Minneapolis had a blunt assessment for her husband, Jon, as they watched Weiner’s stunning confession on television this week.
“You’d be dead,” she told him.
Still, there are others who insist that physical intimacy is necessary for cheating to occur. Charles Trattler of Palm Beach County says that if he caught his partner sending racy photos via Twitter or text, it would certainly be something to talk about, but it wouldn’t be an act of infidelity.
Trattler, who responded to an online query from The Herald, said his priority would be to “make sure there are no root issues in the relationship that are actually causing this behavior.”
“If it does not go any farther than exchanging photos and messages, it is flirting as far as I am concerned,” he said.
The practice of texting sexually explicit photos, or “sexting,” is often associated with middle- and high-schoolers. And while tech-savvy teens may be more likely to send racy texts, some grown-ups do it too. A May 2010 survey from the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that 15 percent of adults said they had received “a sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude photo or video” on their cellphone, and 6 percent admitted to sending such a text.